D&G's Ugly Sweater Party

Okay... I don't know if I'm in a particularly opinionated mood or what, but this sweater is just... yikes. Not really sure what Dolce & Gabbana is going for here, but it doesn't seem to be working for me. Something about the combination of the knit flowers paired with the brown remind me of a pillow my grandmother made back in the 80's. It was a beautiful pillow perfect for the 80's, not material for a sweater in 2012. Vintage is all the rage nowadays and I'm guessing that is what D&G is going for here, but I'm just not digging it. Made of 100% wool, this unique gem is sure to keep your baby warm. Find it for a nominal cost of $450.00 at Neiman Marcus.

Hmm... An Interesting Dress from Ralph Lauren.

Well this is certainly... unique. It is a dress with... a lot going on. And... a barnyard scene. It seems as though Ralph Lauren is taking a few steps gigantic jumps away from their traditional "preppy" style to something a little more... weird. A cotton-cashmere blend, the bodice of this dress is knit with a landscape full of animals; the three tiers are each knit with a different pattern. Puff sleeves and a ruffle collar finish off the "country-girl" meets "a-pillow-you'd-find-on-your-grandparents-couch" feel of the dress. Sorry Ralph, I'm not a big fan of this one. Find it for $125.00 at Neiman Marcus.

A Hairy Vest. Yikes.

So this is what Mongolian lamb fur looks like. Maybe I am just thinking inside the box and need to be more fashion-forward, but this vest by Derhy Kids is maybe one of the most disturbing and hideous things I have ever seen. It reminds me of:

1) A transient's beard.

2) The hair pile that gets swept up after Don King gets his hair cut.

3) The hair I pull out of my shower drain (minus the gray - thank you Garnier). 

4) Alec Baldwin's chest hair in the "Canteen Boy" SNL skit.

5) One of those dogs that somewhat resembles a mop.

I am almost speechless. What would this even look like folded into a box and given as a gift? In my opinion, please leave the Mongolian lambs alone. It is cold in Mongolia. They need their fur. And it has to look better on them than it ever could on us. If you disagree and would like to own this... anomaly, you can find it for $90.00 at Children Salon.

Ben Affleck's New Hair Style... Yikes.

He will always have an attractive face and a great body... but if you are like me and think that hair is very important when it comes to the attractiveness factor, this deserves a yikes. Read all about this hot mess at People.com.

An Interesting Baby Bag from Dolce & Gabbana Junior...

I feel like I am trying to like this bag because it is Dolce & Gabbana Junior and because it has red leather trim... but it is just looking a bit too... ghetto 80's for me. Saks Fifth Avenue describes it as being made of "distressed denim." Okay I get that it is in distress because of the two obvious hand-created rips in it, but this is most definitely what I think of as stone-washed denim. AKA the denim that the horrific camel toe-inducing, high-waisted  80's jeans were made of. Jordache jeans. Lee jeans. BAD JEANS. I'm sorry D&G, even with the red, which usually is an instant win for me, I am not a fan of this bag. It is quirky and unique, so I am sure that some people will find it genius, but not me. Oh, and the price for this "distressed demin" mess? $510.00. Yikes.

Monnalisa Baby Puffer Jacket: Know When to Stop.

You know when you are laying on the couch and your husband/boyfriend/friend/brother/whoever tickles your feet? At first you laugh and yelp, "Stop!" Then they do it again. You laugh more, then say stop again. Then... they do it again. You feel the first twinge of annoyance. "No really, STOP." And then... they do it once more. You become the epitome of fussy. Some people yell. Some kick. Some leave the room. But the message is clear: you need to know when to stop. These are my feelings on the amount of ruffles and folds and floof of this jacket my Monnalisa, who normally I think can do no wrong. It gives me that yikes feeling, like my feet are being tickled for the fourth time. If you like yikes, this can be yours for $255.00 at monpetitchild.com.

Really? Designer Hospital Gowns?

Alright, tell me I am not being ridiculous about this. But designer hospital gowns? This $72.00 get-up from celebrity favorite PetitTresor gushes about the soft fabric, loose fitting, and fashion-savvy look. Seriously? First of all, I am pretty sure you could give birth wearing a shirt made of thumb tacks and not notice anything but the feeling that your vag is about to self-destruct. Second of all, very few women look like nothing happened after giving birth. Most look like their vag just self-destructed. So why bother wearing an "attractive" hospital gown? I, for one, would not give a damn if I had on an flashy paisley hospital gown. I would care about holding my new child... and maybe a little about pain killers. Maybe the stress at my job is getting to me lately and I am displacing my anger, but this is just one I just don't get.

Hmm... A Carrot Dresser.

The vast majority of the furniture that poshtots offers is absolutely breathtaking, both for beauty and price. Then there are pieces like this... things that make you go "Hmm." Obviously it's a dresser, obviously shaped like a carrot. What bedroom theme would this fit into? Peter Rabbit? Warner Brothers? Maybe I am missing the obvious, but I just can't figure it out. This thing is of course hand-crafted and is monstrous at five and a half feet tall. If a carrot dresser fits into your child's bedroom decor, this can be purchased for $9000.00. Hmm.

Yikes.

Meet Monty, the ride-on buffalo! This disturbingly realistic "toy" is handcrafted, hand-painted, hand-stitched, hand-carved... each made-to-order buffalo has unique features and musculature so that you can avoid the crisis of having the same buffalo as the family down the street. The metal frame supports children and adults up to 250 lbs. I just don't know what to make of this. All I know is that if Monty was standing next to my bed at night with the lights off, I might have nightmares about him. If you think he might be up your child's alley, and you have the $2400.00 adoption fee, he can be yours at poshtots.com.

Yikes.

Sometimes it seems to me like you slap the word "designer" on something and it magically turns disgusting into delicious, so to speak. Take this Sonia Rykiel fur jacket featured on lavishkids.com. If you were cruising the aisles of Wal-Mart and ran across this, let me guess... you would gag. It looks like a toilet seat cover. Your baby would like like she was trying to fly because of her inability to lower her arms due to the fluffiness of this monstrosity. But this is not from Wal-Mart, it was designed by long-time French designer Sonia Rykiel. Now people are apt to think "Ooooo this is so avant-garde and luxurious." I guess that is how the fashion world works, and I have been guilty of this phenomenon many a times. In any case, this jacket does not have a Wal-Mart price tag; it can be yours for $399.00.